God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
