im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
