i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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