I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
