Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
