You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
