you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
