I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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