Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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