haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
