whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize