so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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