I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
