bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
