My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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