Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
