you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Edward fifth and chaser hands
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
