The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
