the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
