We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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