Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
