i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
