his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
