Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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