I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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