with your own penis?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
