I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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