So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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