FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize