I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
