I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
