have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
