Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
