It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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