Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
