she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
