you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
