I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
