I got chris browned last night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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