Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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