you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
