He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So apparently I’m into choking now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
