You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
