So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
