I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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