I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
