If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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