they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
