if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize