I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
