Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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