I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
