Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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