my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
