Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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