I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
