well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
