come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
