Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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