i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
