Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
