FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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