Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
