I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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