Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
