So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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