So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
