i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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