didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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