Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize