Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
