Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
