My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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